This young woman was a “stay at home mom“, who wasn’t really home! Because she wasn’t home, her home was not in order, and her children were not being consistently disciplined and trained. This precious, well-meaning woman did not understand that keeping her home and training her children was the most important ministry she could have.
I have had many conversations with moms who have expressed that they are not “doing anything“. They want to be “involved in ministry“. They do not understand that being home with their children means that they are in “full time ministry“…and that every morning when their feet touch the floor, they are on the “mission field“!
Being a stay at home mom will not look the same for each woman. Our life circumstances are all different. Some of us home school, while others have children in school. Some of our husbands work from home, while others leave for the day. Some of us have babies or toddlers, while some have older children. It does change with each season of life.
I had dreams of being married and living the kind of life my Mom did….going to Bible studies while my kids were in school, being there for them when they got home. But my life has been different in many ways even though I am a “stay at home mom” as well. It is different because God decided that our children would be home schooled! That meant I was home most of the time. If my children were going to learn what they needed to learn, and accomplish what they need to get accomplished, I needed to be at home. As they grew up they involved in sports and some other activities, but the bulk of our time was spent at home because the job of home schooling…and doing it effectively…was huge. On top of that, I still had a home to keep in order and meals to make. I don’t mean a PERFECT HOME or PERFECT MEALS. I mean and ORDERLY HOME and MEETING THE PHYSICAL NEEDS OF MY FAMILY. I found that the at home “mothering” season of life for me meant that some of what I might have wanted to do had to be set aside for awhile – and most of the time I really didn’t mind that. It has been for a season… not forever.
A couple of years ago I decided I wanted to take a seminary class. Because my husband works for the school I would not have to pay for the class. “What a great opportunity”, I thought. So I registered. Each week I would make my way up to the seminary for my class. I loved the learning and the interaction I had in the classroom setting. I enjoyed the reading. When I got home I had papers to write and projects to do. I actually did well in the class and that was a good feeling as well. But there was one problem. I wasn’t available to my family as I should have been. They did not complain–but as the semester moved along I started feeling torn. On the days I had class–I had to leave my children. When I got home–I had to throw dinner together and then spend time doing home work. I kept hearing myself say, “I can’t help you right now. I need to finish this homework” and I knew that my “seminary career” was over…at least for awhile.
Was there anything wrong with taking a seminary class? No! It was just not the right timing for me. I needed to be available to my family. All that said, I must also share that even though there is much sacrifice involved in the “ministry of mothering”, God does provide those “extra” things as well. Times of fellowship with other women, maybe a lunch date here and there, and an encouraging phone call. I enjoy my time of reading books for my own learning and enjoyment, and normally have two books going at one time! I have found that the more I am focused on my God ordained ministry of keeping my home, loving my husband, and loving my children, the more God has blessed and provided for me in ways I never imagined! It is awesome! It is a joy!
So, how do we decide how much to be involved in outside the home?
~ We pray!
We ask God to give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him (Eph 1:17).
~ We pray!
We ask God to open our eyes to the calling and privilege it is to be pouring our lives into these people He has placed in our care!
~ We pray!
We ask God for wisdom. We must be willing to sacrifice some of our interests for a season if we must, and embrace the high calling of the ministry of being a mother.
~ We pray!
We take the time to evaluate our life circumstances by asking these questions: Is my home in order (I didn’t say “perfect”, or “spotless”-but is it orderly?) Do I have the time to plan and prepare nutritious meals for my family? When is my husband home? Am I there when he needs/wants me to be there, or am I gone most evenings? Am I able to be consistent with disciplining and training the children, or am I going so much that I don’t have the opportunity to address things most of the time? Do I find more fulfillment outside my home, than I do being in it? IF SO, do I understand what God has called me to, and what a privilege it is? Do I spend time with other women that encourage me in my ministry at home, or do they encourage me to be out of my home and to be discontent with my life there. Do I regularly watch those TV shows that portray husbands as “idiots” and children as a burden?
~We pray!
Finally, after answering all of these questions…what time do I have left for outside activities with the ages of my children, during the season I am in, and in my life circumstances? Do I see the opportunities to minister that come to my door? Are there opportunities to minister in some way as a family, or with my children, so that I am not taking much time away from them?
What are we teaching the next generation? Are we teaching them, by our attitudes and the way we are living, those things that are most important… (Titus 2:3-5) are we teaching them that to love our husbands, love our children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, and to be subject to our husbands are our most important ministry?!
AND–That when we do not see this as our privilege and our calling…and choose to live it out–“THE WORD OF GOD IS DISHONORED!”
I believe if we do not see this…if we do not walk in obedience…the consequences will not only be great in our own lives, but we will also miss an opportunity to train our children to be a light in this world.
Today, Embracing Beauty is honored to welcome a guest post by Gina Smith. As Gina has read and studied what the Bible says in Titus 2 about the role of “older women”, she has been praying about how to fulfill that role! On her blog “Chats With And Old Lady” she shares what she is learning and she strives to challenge others the way God is challenging her. You can visit her at www.chatswithanoldlady.com.
About Ashley
LOVE this post – thanks for sharing these inspiring words. This is just what I needed this morning. Sometimes us moms need to hear things like this from other women that may be experiencing some of the same things. Listen, a little off subject, but I wanted to share with you a new tool that was introduced to our family recently that you may want to check out & share with your readers. Children’s Bible is an app designed for children 3-13 & shares Bible stories through comics. It is available for most smart phones & computers. We have found this is a great way to get our children in the habit of reading the Bible, & it’s on their level. They have really enjoyed it & we are thrilled at their excitement with the Word. Just something we have found that works & wanted to pass along – check it out at childrenbible.org – Just thought you may want to check it out & share with your readers. Really awesome tool for the kids & parents too. Thanks again for all you share – it’s always an encouragement to come to your site!
Wow Gina – you took the words right out of my mouth and spoke my heart! GREAT post! I grew up the same as you – with a mom always there and leading Bible studies and things…then I followed in her footsteps only added in the homeschooling element/challenge lol!
A lie the world feeds women is “what you want is out there…outside the doors of your home. So go, go, go – be on the go!” When in reality so much joy, happiness and peace is found right here inside our homes when we give it our all and our best.
Keep chatting Gina – I LOVE your voice!
Courtney
I love it. And I love you. You never cease to encourage me to grow in my role as a mom, wife and child of God!
Wow thank you so much for this post it really spoke to me.
Im up late tonight with some of these same issues running through my mind and heart…. we have five children and I sometimes feel like one minute things are great,and the next things are awful, again and again I fail at being consistent in anything I do pertaining to being a SAHM, we are going on three years of me staying at home and its been so hard Thank you for sharing, I really have to be more obedient to my responsibilities, and embrace this time. Thanks Again…
I’ve been there before and I’m glad this was an encouragement to you! God bless you!
Thanks for the post! A TRUE blessing & encouragement!
I’m glad to hear it! 🙂
wow… you dont know how long ive been looking for a artical like this one. I am 25 and stay at home mom and homeschooler (wife too.. 🙂 and have struggled with God’s will concerning outside ministry.. especially because i have a passion for evangilizing. I see more and more that the Lord will bless me with time to do that AFTER my priorities are in place.God.. husband .children.home.or (homeschooling..lol) then minitstry.. thank you for bringing balance and of cource reminding us to let God lead!
I’m glad this was a blessing to you! 🙂
Thank you for your insight, I enjoyed your article, it was very encouraging.
That’s wonderful to hear!
And what are you supposed to do when you keep being told you should work or you have to? I am a stay at home mom with 2 autistic boys and a girl; because of difficulties with the special school one of my sons was at, I now home school him. My husband is the sole provider for our family and we are on the poverty level income wise. I receive only food stamps and medicaid for the children, and keep hearing that since my son is over a certain age, I need to be working in order to keep those meager benefits (ironically, if I worked I wouldn’t need or qualify for those benefits anyways). We bought a foreclosed home at a steal, have previously owned cars we paid cash for, buy on clearance almost all of the time or at thrift stores, and “rescue” things others discard.I am doing the job that the school is supposed to be doing and not getting paid, therefore I don’t have the time or ability to bring in any income. I spend easily 10, 12, or more hours a day working with my son on his schooling because he struggles so much. I myself am legally disabled but cannot get benefits because I became ill immediately after my first child and didn’t have enough time in the system even though I had worked since I was 16 years old.Plus back then there was so much I could still physically do and didn’t feel right in trying to collect when there were others worse off than myself. Now, since I am not on disability I have been told then that I should be working even if I am ill.
I hate to tell you, but unless you marry someone who makes enough money to support a family on ONE income, in today’s economic environment, you are sunk. I too believed in staying home and being there for my children. It’s the rest of the world that doesn’t want that. Women are expected to be out there working and keeping up with the men. No one cares about family anymore.Especially our government. I was told by my “Christian” sister in law to be grateful for what I have and stop complaining. I merely was expressing what a struggle it was daily JUST to survive and come up with necessities, let alone a few fun things. What is the point in living if you are only surviving? Is THAT what God had in mind? It’s NOT what I was taught. It must be nice to have upwards of $250,000 a year that her HUSBAND earns. Makes it easy to make judgements about situations one never has to deal with too.I know her kids don’t have to wear second hand clothes, tell her they are hungry, or go without a floor in their room. Her daughter turned up her nose at the Wal mart clothes we bought her and said they weren’t fancy enough.Yes, I am grateful that we are alive, together and not homeless, but I am also tired and worn out. In the last month my 2 best friends have died. All I am saying is that for some of us out there, it is a real nightmare doing the right thing and a little understanding and compassion from others would help a lot. To those who behave this way, please quit turning a blind eye because it is too scary to believe that we really live like that, and that it could be you in an instant.And don’t pass judgement and spew your “christaineses” at us when all we really want is a little support and encouragement.
Yes I am a Christian, but I am disgusted by so many who claim to be also, and just spit out these religious “cliches” because they don’t know what else to say or do, or are too afraid it could happen to them.
such a compassionate post, especially for those that question themselves for making the choice to be a SAHM…i did it and it was hard but sooo worth it. we went without but gained so much in return.
I really enjoyed reading this article. I have not been able to be a stay at home parent. I was a single parent with my daughter who is now 19. I am married now and still work and my 3 year old goes to a preschool daily. We all travel different roads you just have to rely on God and try to do the best whatever road you travel.
Your article was very interesting and should convince some stay-at-home moms that what they are doing is a ministry. Each person has to take his/her own path and with God’s help it will be the right one.