If you’ve watched the news lately or read many blogs you’ll see the latest version of “Mommy Wars.” The breastfeeding controversy is back and in full swing. I would link to the article for you all to see it but honestly, I don’t want to give them any added publicity and “link juice” because that is just what they want. “Mommy Wars” include the Stay-at-Home vs. Working Mom debate, the Cloth Diapers vs. Disposable Diaper debate, and the list goes on and on. The most recent article {the one that I won’t link to} is a Time magazine write up and photo of a preschooler breastfeeding. This was surely published to incite a strong reaction from moms and reignite yet another “war.”
There is NO winner in the game of “Mommy Wars.” This is a game that magazines, newspapers and websites are playing to up their readership. These articles don’t cover the facts but are written to divide mothers. Time after time mothers buy into it and I’ve been guilty before but I’m over it. I don’t care if you breastfed your kid until they can walk, or if you’ve fed them Similac from day one. I don’t care if you you home-school or if your kids go to a Christian, private or public school. I don’t care if you give baby massages, use a leash for your kid at an amusement park, circumcise your son, make homemade baby food or bathe your baby twice a day or once a week. Do you baby-wear? Does your baby eat everything organic? Do you use cloth diapers? I don’t care. I don’t. I’m not trying to be rude but whatever works for you {and is safe for your kid} is wonderful. Of course I have my opinions but not everyone has to believe the way that I do.
Articles, such as this TIME article, prey on the already existing feelings of inadequacy and mommy guilt. These manufactured “wars” are predictable because they stir up strong emotions from women who feel judged, as well as mothers who want to feel superior for their choices. You know the ones. The ones who post such proud statuses on Facebook that your mouth drops open while reading them. Heated discussion and outrage usually follows. WHY? Why do women tear each other down? Women beat each other up while the person or business responsible for starting this battle reaps the benefit {website traffic, talk show debate, etc}. I hate that women are second guessing their parenting choices because of such games. Women are insecure and should band together to help one another. If you don’t have a strong support group now I encourage you to find one. Join a local church, MOPS group, or mommy play group.
I’ll be honest, I’m constantly evaluating myself and my parenting. I want to do what’s best for my family and be the best mom I can be. When I first found out I was pregnant I started reading parenting books and I haven’t stopped since. I want to be educated and make the best decisions I can. I don’t want to look down on other’s for their parenting habits. Of course, I think the way I diaper, set a sleep schedule, and feed my baby is best for me because if I didn’t think it was I wouldn’t do it. Who am I to tell you what you should do with your child? I don’t know your situation and what’s best for you. I’ll be glad to share my opinion if you ask and in the future I may share some advice on here about what’s worked for me but I never want to belittle others because they do things differently than me.
As for the cover of TIME magazine, the answer to the question “ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?” Yes! Whatever that means, yes.
You are mom enough to avoid belittling others.
You are mom enough to build up others.
You are mom enough to love and care for your kids.
You are mom enough to encourage new moms.
You are mom enough to educate yourself and make wise decisions for your family.
YOU ARE MOM ENOUGH!
Related TIME magazine posts across the blogosphere:
Rage Against the Minivan–Where is the mommy-war for the motherless child? {I highly recommend this article!}
5 Minutes For Mom–FACT: Mommy Wars Do Not Exist
Babble–It’s TIME To Stop Fighting The Mommy Wars.
Mocha Momma–I am mom enough.
What are your thoughts? Please feel free to share them in the comments. If you’re a blogger, did you write a response to the Time Magazine controversy? If so please add your links in the comments.
About Ashley
I agree! We need to focus on the positive and build each other up. It makes me upset to see the media PURPOSEFULLY putting sensationalized photos and articles out there that don’t help moms out at all! I wrote what I HOPE was a “gentle” response to the controversy here: http://ayearwithmomanddad.com/2012/05/my-breastfeeding-hero-is/
Very Well said! We all have different parenting styles that fit our lives, our personalities, out kids personalities and our own personal beliefs. Shows like this are yet another reason why I enjoy not even having cable. Shame on the TV networks and the media for sensationalizing different parenting styles for the all mighty $$.
Love it! You are totally right! It’s no one elses business how you raise your child! You made em, you’re responsible to bring them up in a manner that you see fit. I also blame the media for bringing things like this out and trying to start a war.
I whole heartedly agree. If people would stop stinking their noses in other peoples business and worry about their own this world would be a much better place
The mommy wars are the most idiodic thing, we all do our best to raise healthy, happy kids and we are all going to do it differently because we are human beings, not robots. Who am I to tell another mother she is raising her child wrong because it’s not something I would do.
As a soon to be grandmother of twins, I commend you for your maturity and insights at your age. I made my share of mistakes, but when they were old enough, I was not afraid to admit to my children when I had done so. I have 3 remarkable daughters that God blessed me with.
LOVE this!!! I wish more people had this view. I will be sharing! 🙂
I am with you all the way! None of us have any right to judge such personal decisions. We as mothers need to encourage each other in all ways possible, regardless of our own choices. To each their own, right! I think it’s awful what the media will stoop down to in order to get attention(which equals $$$$). The last thing a mother needs is for anyone to tell her she is not doing the right thing, when we mostly clearly want what is best for our kids- which includes a happy and sane mom.
Yes the media needs to keep their nose out of raising our children. But i think anyone else within a close relationship to the family has a right to voice opinions, whether asked for or not. hence “takes a village”. u learn from others & their mistakes, besides your own. I don’t agree with “mommy wars” media, but like anyone, freedom of speech is there. all parents can do is listen to their instincts & if they want, the advice of others. its difficult to be good at something if you haven’t had guidance or instruction.
Except when their opinions are the “right” way. Then it can be insulting when they don’t let up. It is ultimately the decision of the parents, not those that are close to the parents.
What a great article. I feel the same way as you do! I don’t really care what you do with your child as long as it is safe. Everybody has their own parenting skills. I am mom enough, you are mom enough, we all are mom enough!
Wow – you couldn’t have said it better. Some moms seem to judge before they know the facts. Just because they successfully breastfed doesn’t mean everyone else can – and for all they know, it could be health issues holding you back when they are putting you down for mixing that bottle of formula. Maybe the mommy who doesn’t cloth diaper does not have regular access to a washing machine and is able to use coupons/deals to get diapers at a much more affordable cost for herself. Before just up-front judging, everyone needs to try to find out the facts. It seems no one wants to listen to find out ‘why’ you do what you do. And you are right – the media definitely does put its influence on everyone about what everyone should be doing and how everyone should react if someone doesn’t.
Again, very well written and so true.
I hate that as women we can’t support each other. We all have a different parenting style but the simple fact is, we are all women, we are all moms.
Awesome article! I don’t get into the articles because it irritates me. Like you. I don’t care how you raise your child, you gave birth to that child. I gave birth to mine. If I choose to bottle feed, use disposables, co-sleep, baby wear etc etc, that is my choice! We are all moms, parents, caretakers, whatever it may be. We should support each other no matter what. Not put down, and tell one another “You’re wrong.”
Amen! You know I’m in agreement with you!
Well said. I refuse to even read the article because I don’t want to get into all of the mess. We are moms, we are strong — TOGETHER!
I love the way you think and I couldn’t agree more. It’s really nobody else’s business as long as the kids are healthy and happy. When I had my son, I tried breastfeeding and even cloth diapers because other made me feel like I HAD to. I was completely stressed, which wasn’t good for me or my son. As soon as I quit doing both of the above, we were both much happier. He is healthy and we have a great relationship. To each his own!
Great article. I don’t judge others and wish the same in return.
I totally agree with you that people should do what is best for their families, and shouldn’t be judged or judge others for being different. I think it’s easy for people to get worked up because of course we all want what is best for children and I think people get very emotional about parenting tactics that they disagree with because they feel so passionately about what is best and want all kids to have the best too. But what everyone needs to remember is that every family has different needs, and what works for one child will not necessarily work or be best for another. Bottom line? If the kids are safe and loved, then everyone else should respect that and respect the boundaries of not butting into other people’s lives.
Beautiful!
I totally agree with you. There are no winners when moms tear each other down.
I haven’t written a response to the Time Magazine article as of yet, I, for once really didn’t know where to begin. I think you really managed to hit the nail on the head with it though. Being Mom enough varies greatly depending on your family, your needs, your child’s needs, and nothing else.
**STANDING OVATION** Every family is in a different situation and what works for one likely will not work for another. And in every one of the debates you mentioned there are many shades of grey. NOTHING is black and white. We women must must must support and uphold one another instead of tearing one another down.
I totally agree!! Only you know whats best for you and your child when it comes to rearing them and today’s trends. I’m not a parent yet… but if God ever allows me to be one.. I’m sure there’ll be many trial and error days 🙂
I agree with you completely. I’m so over this controversy but I’m glad you wrote this because it needed to be said. 🙂
Love your post! I am 100% behind you! I still have an urge to comment on other parent’s choices from time to time, but I try to stifle these as best I can.
I love this! Theses “wars” are fueled by too many feelings of inadequecy, but the REAL truth is that we ARE good parents and each of us is Mom Enough for our own kids.
Very well said!
I mentioned the Time article in my post for Mother’s Day, and I’m right there with ya. It takes a much “bigger” mom to lend support to those who are different from us than it does to tear them down. Here’s my post:
http://insteadofthedishes.com/blog/2012/05/12/happy-mothers-day/
Amen! Completely agree with everything!
I love your response here… we need to all step up and shut down any mom “warring” behaviours when we see them in ourselves or our communities. We are all mom enough to support each other.